To the Noisy Traveler in 15D…

To the Noisy Traveler in 15D…

Throughout many years of business traveling in most modern forms of conveyance, I have been no less privy to the obnoxious neighbor on the plane and train as the next guy. I have, however, long since dealt with my overly-courteous side, that at one time would have prevented me from frankly asking that they give a little consideration to the rest of us trying to get somewhere.

But as with so many different ways and places to travel, the bothersome seatmate is by no means any more generic. Outlined below are the top offenders I have encountered throughout the years, and the best practice I've found with which to deflect their onslaught.

The kids. Arguably, the most difficult of travelers to deal with, as they are not remotely bound by social etiquette or common sense, and are often times not in the least bit deterred from biting you. The only answer I have here, especially in the case of screaming babies, is earplugs. I always make sure to travel with a few packs of them, and have even made friends with fellow travelers by passing around extras.

Loud cell phone talker. Thanks guy, but I'm fairly certain that the last thing in the world I want is to listen in as you discuss your inflamed piles with some very understanding person back home. If you're not brave enough to ask politely here, at least try and be subversive enough to pull out your phone and return the favor. Do it as loudly as possible, and I assure you they'll get the hint.

What did you eat? I'm no hermit, and am not in the least minded by friendly conversation during a long trip. But if I could season my steak with your potent garlic breath, we've got issues. I'll politely offer you a breath mint, and if you decline in an equally polite manner, I will then flat out tell you "You really need it." Don't forget that this is a two way street -- when someone offers me a mint, I always make sure to take it gratefully.

Above all else and regardless of the situation, it never hurts to ask. In a respectful manner though. Threatening to bludgeon someone with a rolled up copy of the latest SkyMall isn't going to get you nearly as far with most people as a simple "please" will.